Chris Voss

Never Split The Difference

From earlier notes:

  • [[Active listening]]
  • [[Anchoring]]
  • [[Mirroring]]
  • Negotiation is about emotion, not logic
  • Active listening and empathy. Can’t be listening well if you are thinking about your own argument
  • Accusation audit - take all the negative you expect them to feel and voice it early yourself to anchor them in it
  • What we say and do is less important than how you act and feel - your voice can be telepathic if calm, trusting, etc in delivery
  • mirroring: repeat key word(s), low voice, downward inflection, imply question
  • Label emotions - takes them from amigdala to cortex
  • Trigger ‘That’s right’ in them..(better than yes)
    • Label + paraphrase to restate their summary and trigger the that’s right
  • Don’t let deadlines and time trick you into bad decisions. Make them work for you
    • Missed deadlines almost never have real consequences - they rarely trigger the consequences they supposedly will
  • People with damage to emotional part of the brain can’t make decisions.
  • Fairness is a powerful concept
    • “we just want what’s fair” implies unfairness and puts other in conciliatory mind
    • “it’s a fair offer” implies other side is not being fair
    • If getting this at you, mirror “fair” and ask for evidence
    • “I want you to feel I’m treating you fairly at all points, tell me if not” - sets you up as honest
  • Let the other side anchor monetary negotiations
    • Name a range. Offer a range where the low end is what you want.
  • Give an unrelated gift to trigger reciprocity
  • Use odd numbers as they seem specific and reasoned to (instead of round numbers)
  • “what does it take to be successful here”
  • Negotiation is coaxing , not overcoming. It is co-opting not defeating.
  • Open-ended questions: removed the hostility
    • “how am I supposed to…” Is a gentle way of saying no that guides the other side to suggest an alternative that is more in your favor
    • Forces them to have empathy for you..they have to consider the implementation
  • Liars use more words, more complexity, more third person to create distance