Mate | Danny Zuckerman

Five principles
- Based on science not bias
- Understand why women are attracted to certain things
- Own your attractiveness
- Be honest about what you want (with yourself and women)
- Win win relationships, not man or woman loses
Five steps
- Get your head straight
- Cultivate attractiveness
- Display proofs
- Go where women are
- Take action
Confidence
- Is thinking you will have success because you have before
- Basically impossible to fake it, bc evolition made it necessary to accurately predict
- Only way to build confidence is to to build (and demonstrate) real competence
- Momentum is also real - like a product recommendation. We have a sociometer in our head tracking our value
Understanding women fearing men
- Unlike men who most fear rejection, women most fear harm - physical, social, emotional etc
- They feel constantly vulnerable physically, and also sexually bc of objectification
- Paradox of attracted to the ppl who can most harm her
- They try to reject subtly in order to not cause negative reaction from man
- Very aware they are hot but ambivalent about it, self conscious and tired of hearing about it at the same time
- Talk about something that makes them valued for something besides that
Social status and competition and Slut shaming
- Women are competing for the good men, and do that with status and other (stupid) things
- Slut shaming is so powerful bc a promiscuous woman is the biggest threat to a relationship
- So subtlety, excuses, and rejection are ways to reduce Slut shaming
- Charming friends or giving a chance for subtlety is a way to speed through that
Pregnancy explains a huge amount of sex difference
- Bio clock is a huge thing. Every relationship is a relationship
- Not about the orgasm, about the shared experience. Enjoy it, don’t make it goal oriented
Women’s preferences are clear and Subconscious: effectiveness and willingness (don’t worry baby, I got this)
- Reduce ineffectiveness first: this is immediate stopper
- Three forms of effectiveness: carrying good genes (healthy and exotic genes), good partner with benefits (material, social, protective, pleasurable, etc), good dad (protection, role model/teaching/coaching, stability/dedicated)
Get in shape: if you are healthy and energetic you jump to the front
- More than shallow, it’s an evolved behavior to pick out health
- Just need to be good enough, not jacked. Overall effectiveness not hotness
- Sleep more. 8-9 hours in a dark room every night. Energy
  - Pitch black (no ambient, indicator lights, etc)
  - No blue lights (screens) for 2 hours,
  - Cold, oxygenated room
  - No stimulants after 4pm (including social media)
  - Mindfulness and intentional relaxation, avoid anxiety
- Nutrition
  - Eat mostly unprocessed foods
  - **No sugar, no grains **(including beer and bread)
- Exercise
  - Functional strength is most important
  - Move heavy loads, go fast (high intensity), compound movements, no chronic cardio (jogging)
  - Hiit is super effective. Crossfit is best
- Display your good appearance
  - Posture and body language - basics indicate health
  - Good fitting clothes (not tight)
  - Physical contact signal your being in shape
  - Acticity dates to show energy
  - Learn physical skills like dancing, shooting, skiing, scuba, climbing, darts/billiards,
  - Skills like hand tools, etc while you do something manly and effective
  - Team sports like baseball, basketball, football
Happiness and mental health is attractive
- Playfulness, humor, openness, resilience and other signs of happiness show mental health
- Use mindfulness, healthy habits, and choices about who and where to spend time with, etc to get into good mental health
- Switch between maturity and immature playfulness
- When you’re in love the world is your playground - keep some of that playfulness all the time
- Don’t complain - show resilience and make it happen
Women care a lot about intelligence, but you need to think about it more broadly - effectiveness in the way we evolved
- Social:
- Emotional intelligence. Ability to read people and situations
- Verbal intelligence - articulate expression, lead groups, etc.
- Practical intelligence. Street starts and real world skills
- Mating intelligence:
- Academic intelligence: correlates with general intelligence. But not raw iq, it’s what you do with it
Ways to grow your diverse intelligence
- Travel - broaden your mind. This fascinates women
- Sales roles
- Service industry like bartender
- Start a company
- Hang out with smart people
Being funny is always attractive. It shows intelligence
- ‘What’s your story’ should have a good answer
- Creativity is also a sign of intelligence - arts, entrepreneur, physical, drawing, writing
- Don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Talk about what you know only
**Willpower is the ability to get shit done - be effective **- even with obstacles
- Super important bc signals dependability
- Be empathetic to your future self
- Think about it not as a negative (don’t have whiskey) but as a positive step towards a bigger goal
- Set goals and accomplish them. Need a plan and processes/habits to support willpower
  - Start with a single, measurable realistic goal.
  - Make a plan of action with a deadline
  - Make habits that leave few decisions
  - Make yourself accountable to others
  - If needed, forgive failure and readjust
  - Grooming, cleanliness, fitness are signs of willpower
  - Sexual restraint is a huge show of willpower
Agreeable and assertive - the ‘tender defender’
- Women don’t want a pushover or an asshole
- Agreeable = kind, real altruism. Not pushovers
  - Volunteering, thoughtful gifts, true empathy and care
- Assertive = powerful in a protective way, not threatening
  - Formidable, decisive and willing to act to defend
- Combining the two is tough. Example-waitress spills on your date. Do you do nothing (wimp) or get furious (asshole)? No, you act to resolve the situation quickly and beneficially.
**Display attractive proofs - show, don’t tell **your intelligence, humor, etc. Social, material, Aesthetics, romantic, etc proofs of your value
- Social proof, status, is the most important.
  - Not about alpha male status
  - status, popularity, prestige, respect and influence
  - Anyone who makes groups function better, eg leadership, dedication and loyalty
- In all interactions be warm, present (eye contact and listening) and confident
- Put yourself in situations that show your strength
  - Sharing meals is great
- Women don’t look for beautiful men, they look for men with beautiful women
- Invite women into your social circle
- Things you can do
  - Group dates
  - Host parties /events
  - Sports leagues
  - Get a dog
Women care about money, more for what it represents than its practical use
- Signal that you have what it takes
Your life is like a piece of art and you want to show taste and thoughtfulness, so Aesthetics matter
- Learn to dance: nightclub two step, country 2 step, hustle, east coast swing, west coast swing, edm, Latin, ballroom
- Craftsmanship (working leather, or making furniture) is super attractive
- Storytelling: context and emotion, not just facts
Grooming
- Hair: conditioner daily, cut often
- Stray hair: nose, ear, eyebrow
- Beard: full beard not in between. If messy your head should be neat.
- Face: wash daily with moisturizing soap
- Mouth: floss,
- Body hair: show a bit of hair, not a lot
- Hands: trim nails and keep hands clean
- Feet: clip and clean
- Scent: use unscented detergent and deodorant. Keep clean and keep things smelling like you. A bit of cologne
- Clothing: appropriate, and fit.
  - Essentials and dark colors are versatile and can be dressed up and dowjb
  - Brighter things for accessories
  - Wash clothes.
  - Shoes matter.
- Keep your apartment clean. Especially bathroom and kitchen
  - Clean up clutter once a week
Romance matters.
- Focusing on one person tells women they are worth your effort on them, rather than broadcasting to all
- Without knowing how you feel women go crazy with anxiety
- Romantic proofs are valuable based on how much you sacrifice
Mating markets
- Different ratios and traits make the markets very different
- Ok cupid data to figure out ideal market for your values
- Where you live, work, leisure activities, etc are all markets
Tactics
- Bars and clubs suck
- Make your dating life an extension of your social life. Eg
  - volunteering or other activity (old folks home, they have wisdom and granddaughters)
  - Acting/Improv classes
  - Coed sports league and fitness classes
  - Dance classes
  - Grad student groups - any that extend later? Continuing education groups?
  - Teach English or other classes
  - Local police groups
  - Meet up groups
- Online dating
  - Choose based on your goals
  - Profile: show value and proofs
    - Photos: active and smiling and social and groomed
    - Profile: what makes you different and better. Be honest. Things they can ask about
    - Messaging:
Conversation in dating is about finding out traits and value. 8 rules
- Be a good host. Lead don’t follow, facilitate and be active
- Soften body language, inviting ppl in (smile, open posture, forward lean, touch, eye contact, nod)
- Find commonalities. Not just basics but opinions (eg do you like short or long hair?) or why you are both in the same place
  - Start with small talk, trite is fine
- Don’t act too excited or aloof
- Ask questions and actively listen
- Provide validation, insight and a little debate
- Connect through vulnerability (not right away)
- Make convo about having fun, not getting sex
Reading signs
- Wearing red, little black dress, jewelry, heels, dress/skirt, etc are signs that they are interested
Make interactions about having fun. Then sex follows