Tucker Max

mate

Best Thing: Reviewers often praise the book for its straightforward and practical advice on understanding attraction and building confidence. Many appreciate the emphasis on self-improvement, mental health, and the importance of being genuine and effective in relationships. Worst Thing: Critics frequently point out that some of the book's views can be overly simplistic or even problematic, particularly regarding gender dynamics and societal expectations. Some reviewers feel that it may promote a transactional view of relationships rather than fostering genuine connections.

  • Five principles
    • Based on science not bias
    • Understand why women are attracted to certain things
    • Own your attractiveness
    • Be honest about what you want (with yourself and women)
    • Win win relationships, not man or woman loses
  • Five steps
    • Get your head straight
    • Cultivate attractiveness
    • Display proofs
    • Go where women are
    • Take action
  • Confidence
    • Is thinking you will have success because you have before
    • Basically impossible to fake it, bc evolition made it necessary to accurately predict
    • Only way to build confidence is to to build (and demonstrate) real competence
    • Momentum is also real - like a product recommendation. We have a sociometer in our head tracking our value
  • Understanding women fearing men
    • Unlike men who most fear rejection, women most fear harm - physical, social, emotional etc
    • They feel constantly vulnerable physically, and also sexually bc of objectification
    • Paradox of attracted to the ppl who can most harm her
    • They try to reject subtly in order to not cause negative reaction from man
    • Very aware they are hot but ambivalent about it, self conscious and tired of hearing about it at the same time
    • Talk about something that makes them valued for something besides that
  • Social status and competition and Slut shaming
    • Women are competing for the good men, and do that with status and other (stupid) things
    • Slut shaming is so powerful bc a promiscuous woman is the biggest threat to a relationship
    • So subtlety, excuses, and rejection are ways to reduce Slut shaming
    • Charming friends or giving a chance for subtlety is a way to speed through that
  • Pregnancy explains a huge amount of sex difference
    • Bio clock is a huge thing. Every relationship is a relationship
    • Not about the orgasm, about the shared experience. Enjoy it, don’t make it goal oriented
  • Women’s preferences are clear and Subconscious: effectiveness and willingness (don’t worry baby, I got this)
    • Reduce ineffectiveness first: this is immediate stopper
    • Three forms of effectiveness: carrying good genes (healthy and exotic genes), good partner with benefits (material, social, protective, pleasurable, etc), good dad (protection, role model/teaching/coaching, stability/dedicated)
  • Get in shape: if you are healthy and energetic you jump to the front
    • More than shallow, it’s an evolved behavior to pick out health
    • Just need to be good enough, not jacked. Overall effectiveness not hotness
    • Sleep more. 8-9 hours in a dark room every night. Energy
      • Pitch black (no ambient, indicator lights, etc)
      • No blue lights (screens) for 2 hours,
      • Cold, oxygenated room
      • No stimulants after 4pm (including social media)
      • Mindfulness and intentional relaxation, avoid anxiety
    • Nutrition
      • Eat mostly unprocessed foods
      • **No sugar, no grains **(including beer and bread)
    • Exercise
      • Functional strength is most important
      • Move heavy loads, go fast (high intensity), compound movements, no chronic cardio (jogging)
      • Hiit is super effective. Crossfit is best
    • Display your good appearance
      • Posture and body language - basics indicate health
      • Good fitting clothes (not tight)
      • Physical contact signal your being in shape
      • Acticity dates to show energy
      • Learn physical skills like dancing, shooting, skiing, scuba, climbing, darts/billiards,
      • Skills like hand tools, etc while you do something manly and effective
      • Team sports like baseball, basketball, football
  • Happiness and mental health is attractive
    • Playfulness, humor, openness, resilience and other signs of happiness show mental health
    • Use mindfulness, healthy habits, and choices about who and where to spend time with, etc to get into good mental health
    • Switch between maturity and immature playfulness
    • When you’re in love the world is your playground - keep some of that playfulness all the time
    • Don’t complain - show resilience and make it happen
  • Women care a lot about intelligence, but you need to think about it more broadly - effectiveness in the way we evolved
    • Social:
    • Emotional intelligence. Ability to read people and situations
    • Verbal intelligence - articulate expression, lead groups, etc.
    • Practical intelligence. Street starts and real world skills
    • Mating intelligence:
    • Academic intelligence: correlates with general intelligence. But not raw iq, it’s what you do with it
  • Ways to grow your diverse intelligence
    • Travel - broaden your mind. This fascinates women
    • Sales roles
    • Service industry like bartender
    • Start a company
    • Hang out with smart people
  • Being funny is always attractive. It shows intelligence
    • ‘What’s your story’ should have a good answer
    • Creativity is also a sign of intelligence - arts, entrepreneur, physical, drawing, writing
    • Don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Talk about what you know only
  • **Willpower is the ability to get shit done - be effective **- even with obstacles
    • Super important bc signals dependability
    • Be empathetic to your future self
    • Think about it not as a negative (don’t have whiskey) but as a positive step towards a bigger goal
    • Set goals and accomplish them. Need a plan and processes/habits to support willpower
      • Start with a single, measurable realistic goal.
      • Make a plan of action with a deadline
      • Make habits that leave few decisions
      • Make yourself accountable to others
      • If needed, forgive failure and readjust
      • Grooming, cleanliness, fitness are signs of willpower
      • Sexual restraint is a huge show of willpower 
  • Agreeable and assertive - the ‘tender defender’
    • Women don’t want a pushover or an asshole
    • Agreeable = kind, real altruism. Not pushovers
      • Volunteering, thoughtful gifts, true empathy and care
    • Assertive = powerful in a protective way, not threatening
      • Formidable, decisive and willing to act to defend
    • Combining the two is tough. Example-waitress spills on your date. Do you do nothing (wimp) or get furious (asshole)? No, you act to resolve the situation quickly and beneficially.
  • **Display attractive proofs - show, don’t tell **your intelligence, humor, etc. Social, material, Aesthetics, romantic, etc proofs of your value
    • Social proof, status, is the most important.
      • Not about alpha male status
      • status, popularity, prestige, respect and influence
      • Anyone who makes groups function better, eg leadership, dedication and loyalty
    • In all interactions be warm, present (eye contact and listening) and confident
    • Put yourself in situations that show your strength 
      • Sharing meals is great
    • Women don’t look for beautiful men, they look for men with beautiful women
    • Invite women into your social circle
    • Things you can do
      • Group dates
      • Host parties /events
      • Sports leagues
      • Get a dog
  • Women care about money, more for what it represents than its practical use
    • Signal that you have what it takes
  • Your life is like a piece of art and you want to show taste and thoughtfulness, so Aesthetics matter
    • Learn to dance: nightclub two step, country 2 step, hustle, east coast swing, west coast swing, edm, Latin, ballroom
    • Craftsmanship (working leather, or making furniture) is super attractive
    • Storytelling: context and emotion, not just facts
  • Grooming
    • Hair: conditioner daily, cut often
    • Stray hair: nose, ear, eyebrow
    • Beard: full beard not in between. If messy your head should be neat.
    • Face: wash daily with moisturizing soap
    • Mouth: floss,
    • Body hair: show a bit of hair, not a lot
    • Hands: trim nails and keep hands clean
    • Feet: clip and clean
    • Scent: use unscented detergent and deodorant. Keep clean and keep things smelling like you. A bit of cologne
    • Clothing: appropriate, and fit.
      • Essentials and dark colors are versatile and can be dressed up and dowjb
      • Brighter things for accessories
      • Wash clothes.
      • Shoes matter.
    • Keep your apartment clean. Especially bathroom and kitchen
      • Clean up clutter once a week
  • Romance matters.
    • Focusing on one person tells women they are worth your effort on them, rather than broadcasting to all
    • Without knowing how you feel women go crazy with anxiety
    • Romantic proofs are valuable based on how much you sacrifice
  • Mating markets
    • Different ratios and traits make the markets very different
    • Ok cupid data to figure out ideal market for your values
    • Where you live, work, leisure activities, etc are all markets
  • Tactics
    • Bars and clubs suck
    • Make your dating life an extension of your social life. Eg
      • volunteering or other activity (old folks home, they have wisdom and granddaughters)
      • Acting/Improv classes
      • Coed sports league and fitness classes
      • Dance classes
      • Grad student groups - any that extend later? Continuing education groups?
      • Teach English or other classes
      • Local police groups
      • Meet up groups
    • Online dating
      • Choose based on your goals
      • Profile: show value and proofs
        • Photos: active and smiling and social and groomed
        • Profile: what makes you different and better. Be honest. Things they can ask about
        • Messaging:
  • Conversation in dating is about finding out traits and value. 8 rules
    • Be a good host. Lead don’t follow, facilitate and be active
    • Soften body language, inviting ppl in (smile, open posture, forward lean, touch, eye contact, nod)
    • Find commonalities. Not just basics but opinions (eg do you like short or long hair?) or why you are both in the same place
      • Start with small talk, trite is fine
    • Don’t act too excited or aloof
    • Ask questions and actively listen
    • Provide validation, insight and a little debate
    • Connect through vulnerability (not right away)
    • Make convo about having fun, not getting sex
  • Reading signs
    • Wearing red, little black dress, jewelry, heels, dress/skirt, etc are signs that they are interested
  • Make interactions about having fun. Then sex follows