Understand why women are attracted to certain things
Own your attractiveness
Be honest about what you want (with yourself and women)
Win win relationships, not man or woman loses
Five steps
Get your head straight
Cultivate attractiveness
Display proofs
Go where women are
Take action
Confidence
Is thinking you will have success because you have before
Basically impossible to fake it, bc evolition made it necessary to accurately predict
Only way to build confidence is to to build (and demonstrate) real competence
Momentum is also real - like a product recommendation. We have a sociometer in our head tracking our value
Understanding women fearing men
Unlike men who most fear rejection, women most fear harm - physical, social, emotional etc
They feel constantly vulnerable physically, and also sexually bc of objectification
Paradox of attracted to the ppl who can most harm her
They try to reject subtly in order to not cause negative reaction from man
Very aware they are hot but ambivalent about it, self conscious and tired of hearing about it at the same time
Talk about something that makes them valued for something besides that
Social status and competition and Slut shaming
Women are competing for the good men, and do that with status and other (stupid) things
Slut shaming is so powerful bc a promiscuous woman is the biggest threat to a relationship
So subtlety, excuses, and rejection are ways to reduce Slut shaming
Charming friends or giving a chance for subtlety is a way to speed through that
Pregnancy explains a huge amount of sex difference
Bio clock is a huge thing. Every relationship is a relationship
Not about the orgasm, about the shared experience. Enjoy it, don’t make it goal oriented
Women’s preferences are clear and Subconscious: effectiveness and willingness (don’t worry baby, I got this)
Reduce ineffectiveness first: this is immediate stopper
Three forms of effectiveness: carrying good genes (healthy and exotic genes), good partner with benefits (material, social, protective, pleasurable, etc), good dad (protection, role model/teaching/coaching, stability/dedicated)
Get in shape: if you are healthy and energetic you jump to the front
More than shallow, it’s an evolved behavior to pick out health
Just need to be good enough, not jacked. Overall effectiveness not hotness
Sleep more. 8-9 hours in a dark room every night. Energy
Pitch black (no ambient, indicator lights, etc)
No blue lights (screens) for 2 hours,
Cold, oxygenated room
No stimulants after 4pm (including social media)
Mindfulness and intentional relaxation, avoid anxiety
Nutrition
Eat mostly unprocessed foods
**No sugar, no grains **(including beer and bread)
Exercise
Functional strength is most important
Move heavy loads, go fast (high intensity), compound movements, no chronic cardio (jogging)
Hiit is super effective. Crossfit is best
Display your good appearance
Posture and body language - basics indicate health
Good fitting clothes (not tight)
Physical contact signal your being in shape
Acticity dates to show energy
Learn physical skills like dancing, shooting, skiing, scuba, climbing, darts/billiards,
Skills like hand tools, etc while you do something manly and effective
Team sports like baseball, basketball, football
Happiness and mental health is attractive
Playfulness, humor, openness, resilience and other signs of happiness show mental health
Use mindfulness, healthy habits, and choices about who and where to spend time with, etc to get into good mental health
Switch between maturity and immature playfulness
When you’re in love the world is your playground - keep some of that playfulness all the time
Don’t complain - show resilience and make it happen
Women care a lot about intelligence, but you need to think about it more broadly - effectiveness in the way we evolved
Social:
Emotional intelligence. Ability to read people and situations
Verbal intelligence - articulate expression, lead groups, etc.
Practical intelligence. Street starts and real world skills
Mating intelligence:
Academic intelligence: correlates with general intelligence. But not raw iq, it’s what you do with it
Ways to grow your diverse intelligence
Travel - broaden your mind. This fascinates women
Sales roles
Service industry like bartender
Start a company
Hang out with smart people
Being funny is always attractive. It shows intelligence
‘What’s your story’ should have a good answer
Creativity is also a sign of intelligence - arts, entrepreneur, physical, drawing, writing
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Talk about what you know only
**Willpower is the ability to get shit done - be effective **- even with obstacles
Super important bc signals dependability
Be empathetic to your future self
Think about it not as a negative (don’t have whiskey) but as a positive step towards a bigger goal
Set goals and accomplish them. Need a plan and processes/habits to support willpower
Start with a single, measurable realistic goal.
Make a plan of action with a deadline
Make habits that leave few decisions
Make yourself accountable to others
If needed, forgive failure and readjust
Grooming, cleanliness, fitness are signs of willpower
Sexual restraint is a huge show of willpower
Agreeable and assertive - the ‘tender defender’
Women don’t want a pushover or an asshole
Agreeable = kind, real altruism. Not pushovers
Volunteering, thoughtful gifts, true empathy and care
Assertive = powerful in a protective way, not threatening
Formidable, decisive and willing to act to defend
Combining the two is tough. Example-waitress spills on your date. Do you do nothing (wimp) or get furious (asshole)? No, you act to resolve the situation quickly and beneficially.
**Display attractive proofs - show, don’t tell **your intelligence, humor, etc. Social, material, Aesthetics, romantic, etc proofs of your value
Social proof, status, is the most important.
Not about alpha male status
status, popularity, prestige, respect and influence
Anyone who makes groups function better, eg leadership, dedication and loyalty
In all interactions be warm, present (eye contact and listening) and confident
Put yourself in situations that show your strength
Sharing meals is great
Women don’t look for beautiful men, they look for men with beautiful women
Invite women into your social circle
Things you can do
Group dates
Host parties /events
Sports leagues
Get a dog
Women care about money, more for what it represents than its practical use
Signal that you have what it takes
Your life is like a piece of art and you want to show taste and thoughtfulness, so Aesthetics matter
Learn to dance: nightclub two step, country 2 step, hustle, east coast swing, west coast swing, edm, Latin, ballroom
Craftsmanship (working leather, or making furniture) is super attractive
Storytelling: context and emotion, not just facts
Grooming
Hair: conditioner daily, cut often
Stray hair: nose, ear, eyebrow
Beard: full beard not in between. If messy your head should be neat.
Face: wash daily with moisturizing soap
Mouth: floss,
Body hair: show a bit of hair, not a lot
Hands: trim nails and keep hands clean
Feet: clip and clean
Scent: use unscented detergent and deodorant. Keep clean and keep things smelling like you. A bit of cologne
Clothing: appropriate, and fit.
Essentials and dark colors are versatile and can be dressed up and dowjb
Brighter things for accessories
Wash clothes.
Shoes matter.
Keep your apartment clean. Especially bathroom and kitchen
Clean up clutter once a week
Romance matters.
Focusing on one person tells women they are worth your effort on them, rather than broadcasting to all
Without knowing how you feel women go crazy with anxiety
Romantic proofs are valuable based on how much you sacrifice
Mating markets
Different ratios and traits make the markets very different
Ok cupid data to figure out ideal market for your values
Where you live, work, leisure activities, etc are all markets
Tactics
Bars and clubs suck
Make your dating life an extension of your social life. Eg
volunteering or other activity (old folks home, they have wisdom and granddaughters)
Acting/Improv classes
Coed sports league and fitness classes
Dance classes
Grad student groups - any that extend later? Continuing education groups?
Teach English or other classes
Local police groups
Meet up groups
Online dating
Choose based on your goals
Profile: show value and proofs
Photos: active and smiling and social and groomed
Profile: what makes you different and better. Be honest. Things they can ask about
Messaging:
Conversation in dating is about finding out traits and value. 8 rules
Be a good host. Lead don’t follow, facilitate and be active
Soften body language, inviting ppl in (smile, open posture, forward lean, touch, eye contact, nod)
Find commonalities. Not just basics but opinions (eg do you like short or long hair?) or why you are both in the same place
Start with small talk, trite is fine
Don’t act too excited or aloof
Ask questions and actively listen
Provide validation, insight and a little debate
Connect through vulnerability (not right away)
Make convo about having fun, not getting sex
Reading signs
Wearing red, little black dress, jewelry, heels, dress/skirt, etc are signs that they are interested
Make interactions about having fun. Then sex follows