How to win friends and influence people
- There’s only one way to make people to make people do what to do, make them want to do it
- Nobody ever blames or criticizes themselves. So criticizing them is futile, puts them on the defensive, entrenches them.
- Reward is more effective than condemnation
- Franklin: Speak no ill of no man. Speak all the good of all
- Instead of judging someone, try to understand why they do what they do
- People want to be important. The craving to be appreciated is never met. Meet it
- This can be through fame, crime, attention, sympathy, sex, even insanity
- Charles schwab: important bc he knew how to deal with people, ppl do better work in the spirit of appreciation
- Nourish people’s self esteem, make them feel good (even when you are going to critique)
- If there is any one secret to success, it’s to see things from the other person’s point of view as well as your own
- Will. Make girls think about having sex with you by asking subtle questions
- Arouse an eager desire in others. Excitement, etc
- To be a great conversationalist just be genuinely interested and ask questions
- Emerson: every man is superior to me in some way; so you can learn from everyone
- Let them do most of the talking, or at least a good deal, about what they are interested in
- they will think of you as a super engaging conversationalist even if they did all the talking, if they liked what they talked about
- Become genuinely interested in other principal what
- You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than two years trying to make them interested in you
- Genuine interest in other people just about anybody. Just say hi and learn about everyone. We all like to be admired
- Making people like you and making a good first impression
- Smile
- Abe Lincoln said people are about as happy as they decide they want to be
- People care more about their own names put together
- Persuasion: welcome disagreement but avoid argument - get them to make your points for you
- Admit your own mistakes off the bat; then they defend you
- “I dont blame you one bit. if I were you and in your place, I would feel the same.”
- Most people crave sympathy
- You can’t teach anyone anything, you can only help them find the knowledge/truth inside themself
- Get them on a roll of ‘yes’; even the socratic method is about establishing the pattern of yes, which has biological power
- Let the other person think ideas are theirs and take credit from them
- Appeal to nobler motives. Respect for ideals (motherhood), honesty, etc. Not just your desires
- Dramatize your ideas- show, don’t tell
- Charles Schwab: the way to get results is stimulate competitor aka desire to excel
- Great people are motivated by challenge, desire to excel
- Being a leader
- Deliver criticism indirectly, leading and following with praise and starting with your own faults
- Change but to and, otherwise people tune out
- Praise should be specific so it is sincere and reinforcing
- Give someone a stellar reputation to live up to
- Make improvement seem easy (you are close, it’s worth the effort)