15-commitments-of-conscious-leadership
The best aspect of "15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership" often highlighted by reviewers is its practical framework that encourages self-awareness and accountability, providing actionable insights for personal and professional growth. Many readers appreciate the emphasis on conscious leadership as a means to foster a positive organizational culture and enhance relationships. Conversely, some reviewers criticize the book for being overly idealistic or lacking in concrete examples. They feel that while the concepts are valuable, the implementation may be challenging in real-world settings, leading to frustration for those seeking straightforward guidance.
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Highlights
organizations that follow the conscious leadership model are winning the talent war. — location: 80 ^ref-34056
line, they are open and curious. Further, we reveal that when leaders are below the line, their primary commitment is to being right, and when they are above the line, their primary commitment is to learning. — location: 224 ^ref-16060
Shifting is moving from closed to open, from defensive to curious, from wanting to be right to wanting to learn, and from fighting for the survival of the individual ego to leading from a place of security and trust. — location: 262 ^ref-20530
Content answers the question, “What are we talking about?” Context answers the question, “How are we talking about the content?” — location: 302 ^ref-28238
great leaders pay more attention to how conversations are occurring than to what is being talked about. — location: 309 ^ref-34704
The To Me state of consciousness is synonymous with being below the line. From our perspective, 95% of all leaders (and people) spend 98% of their time in that state. If I am in the To Me consciousness, I see myself “at the effect of,” meaning that the cause of my condition is outside me. It is happening To Me. Whether I see the cause as another person, circumstance, or condition, I believe I’m being acted upon by external forces. — location: 360 ^ref-56552
Leaders in To Me are “at the effect of” the markets, competitors, team members who “don’t get it,” suppliers, the weather, their own mood, their spouse, their children, their bank account, and their health, to name a few. They believe that these external realities are responsible for their unhappiness (if only my spouse weren’t mean, I’d be happy); for their failures (if only my sales team would work harder, our top line would go up); and for their insecurities (if my board gave me a larger share of the company, I’d be secure). This “at the effect of” way of seeing the world doesn’t mean that leaders are always unhappy or upset. On the contrary, some are quite happy and successful, but the point is that they are pinning the cause of their well-being on external factors. We call this To Me mindset “victim consciousness”. In our experience, a significant difference exists between being a victim and having a victim consciousness. Most people would agree that children abused by alcoholic parents are victims. Thirty years later, if those same children, now adults, are still blaming their parents for their problems and suffering, they are living in a victim consciousness. Victim consciousness is a choice. As we mentioned, from our experience, most people choose to live this way. Those operating in the To Me victim consciousness are constantly looking to the past to assign blame for their current experience. They fault themselves, others, circumstances, or conditions for what is happening in their lives. Their thoughts and conversations are often dominated by “why” questions: “Why did this happen to me?” “Why don’t they respect me?” “Why are we losing market share?” “Why are my kids failing in school?” They search for answers that assign responsibility for the cause. — location: 363 ^ref-27176
The gateway for moving from To Me to By Me is responsibility… — location: 380 ^ref-35423
When leaders shift from below the line to above it, they move from the To Me to the By Me state—from living in victim consciousness to living in creator consciousness and from being “at the effect of” to “consciously creating with.” Instead of believing that the cause of their experience is outside themselves, they believe that they are the cause of their experience. To Me leaders think that the world should be a certain way, and if it isn’t, something needs to be different. For example, it should be warm and sunny out and it’s not, therefore the weather should be different. My children should obey me and when they don’t, they should be different. My employees should “get it” and they don’t, so they need to be different. Sometimes, however, the world is just the way they think it should be, although this is rare and fleeting for To Me leaders. The By Me leader chooses to see that everything in the world is unfolding perfectly for their learning and development. Nothing has to be different. They see that what is happening is for them. We suggest to leaders that life is like one big learning university, where we all enroll in classes that are perfectly designed to support our education. In these classes, we can either be “at the effect of” the teacher, the curriculum, and the other students or “consciously creating with.” To do the latter, a leader chooses curiosity and learning over defensiveness and being right (two cornerstones of the To Me consciousness). Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?” the By Me leader asks questions like, “What can I learn from this?” “How is this situation ‘for me’?” “How am I creating this and keeping this going?” — location: 382 ^ref-22266
The gateway for moving from To Me to By Me is responsibility—actually, what we call radical responsibility: choosing to take responsibility for whatever is occurring in our lives, letting go of blaming anyone (ourselves, others, circumstances, or conditions), and opening through curiosity to learn all that life has to teach us. — location: 395 ^ref-37855
In the Through Me state of leadership, the “me” starts to open to another. Curiosity begins to guide this leader to a different set of questions, such as, “Am I the center of the universe?” “Is there something going on in addition to me?” “What is the nature of this other?” “Is it possible to be in relationship to this other?” — location: 404 ^ref-63056
heroing is a primary form of unconscious leadership. It is toxic because it leads to burn out, supports others in taking less than their full responsibility (being victims), and rewards behaviors that ultimately lead to individual and team breakdown. — location: 549 ^ref-25875
I commit to taking full responsibility for the circumstances of my life and for my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. I commit to supporting others to take full responsibility for their lives. — location: 570 ^ref-2318
self-blame is equally as toxic as blaming others, or circumstances, and it is NOT taking responsibility. — location: 590 ^ref-60299
shift from believing that the world should be a particular way to believing that the world just shows up. Second, — location: 597 ^ref-7888
shift from rigidity, close-mindedness, and self-righteousness to curiosity, learning, and wonder — location: 598 ^ref-821
Taking 100% Responsibility Worksheet. — location: 629 ^ref-22187
four competencies trump all others as the greatest predictors of sustained success: self-awareness, learning agility, communication, and influence. — location: 677 ^ref-19098
Effective leaders learn to get into a state of wonder on a consistent basis. — location: 803 ^ref-31465
Though conscious leaders have a good grasp on what they know and are interested in what they don’t know, they are inexorably drawn to what they don’t know they don’t know. — location: 838 ^ref-19458
Commit to learning over being right. Decide that even though you will get defensive at times, you will make the choice to shift to curiosity whenever you recognize you’re defensive and below the line. Also decide that you will consider everything in life as a learning opportunity and value learning above all else. Share this commitment with key people in your life and request their support. — location: 862 ^ref-37497
Ask wonder questions. Keep a list and share them with people close to you. — location: 868 ^ref-12061
commit to feeling my feelings all the way through to completion. They come, and I locate them in my body then move, breathe and vocalize them so they release all the way through. — location: 915 ^ref-49833
we frequently prevent the natural release of emotions by recycling them, which occurs when we get stuck in a cognitive/emotive loop. Cognition is thinking and emoting is feeling. When our mind gets involved, we create an endless loop that causes emotions to recycle rather than release. — location: 978 ^ref-29994
The body releases naturally when you vocalize and let it move to match energy. By vocalization, we don’t mean “talk about it,” because that usually leads to recycling. Rather, we just mean make a sound. — location: 1008 ^ref-62622
If you repress or recycle emotion, it can harden into a mood: Anger becomes bitterness. Fear becomes anxiety. Sadness becomes apathy. And these moods can last for years. — location: 1017 ^ref-49850
ANGER: Anger tells a leader that something is not, or is no longer, of service. Or, that something is not aligned, and must be changed or destroyed so that something more beneficial can replace it. — location: 1030 ^ref-50703
Fear tells a leader that something important needs to be known. — location: 1045 ^ref-38232
something new wants to be learned. Fear invites your full attention and presence. — location: 1049 ^ref-54852
SADNESS: Sadness tells a leader that something needs to be let go of, said goodbye to, moved on from. Sadness is the energy of loss. — location: 1054 ^ref-63328
JOY: Joy tells a leader that something needs to be celebrated, appreciated, or laughed at, or someone needs to be patted on the back. Countless leaders fail to create a culture of celebration and appreciation because they’re cut off from their joy. — location: 1061 ^ref-26869
When a feeling arises pause and… Locate the sensation in your body. What are the “bits” doing? Breathe and allow the bits to simply do what they do. Move and/or make a sound to match what the bits are doing. — location: 1116 ^ref-29514
“the team that sees reality the best wins.” — location: 1151 ^ref-61713
most firms and leaders practice selective candor, or put another way, they withhold. — location: 1152 ^ref-32571
leaders who reveal (facts, thoughts, feelings, and sensations) have a free flow of abundant energy for accomplishing their vision. — location: 1185 ^ref-61140
Candor is one of the great antidotes to boredom. If couples learn to reveal rather than to conceal, boredom is rarely an issue in the relationship. — location: 1191 ^ref-3789
whenever we withhold, we withdraw. Initially, withdrawing is often subtle. We slightly pull back from the other. We no longer fully engage with them. Often we say to ourselves that this person cannot be fully trusted, justifying our disengagement. This withdrawal leads to the final step in relational disconnection: we project. — location: 1217 ^ref-18454
unequal, unfair world that we can never change or escape. As Twist — location: 2696 ^ref-60704